Growing up with a Nigerian parent(s) whether living home or abroad, no matter how wealthy, rich or poor they are, there are certain conversations you cannot miss as a child and one of such is the ridiculous, malnourished story of how they always carry first in school.

This has become a branded household fallacy we all live with.

For every time a child misbehaves, they go with the story just to guilt-trip you. I still don’t understand how they really think they’d get someone convinced with it though. But trust me, they hold on to it like the ten commandments. Every single detail in the story tallies each time they tell it.

Here are 10 times every Nigerian child must have heard the story.

1. When you Bring Home Poor School Grade or Report: Ever been a dullard growing up in a Nigerian home? The experience is compared to none. Bringing home a bad result means time for your ancestors to wake from the grave. You begin to hear how they trekked from Kafachan to Maiduguri to school and still came first whereas you are being provided with everything, yet, nothing. The very poor ones are the loudest in this regard…

2. When You Get An Errand Wrong: You definitely can’t miss the pep talk when sent on an errand and get it all wrong. For Nigerian parents, making mistakes especially unavoidable, littles ones is a taboo. It either means they have failed in their parenting skills or you are just not so smart.

3. When They Are Trying To Brag About Your Brilliancy Among Friends: Nigerians parents are the proudest when it comes to their children’s achievements/successes. Even when they contribute little or nothing to your success, they celebrate the most. In times like this, they begin with how they always had the fighting spirit in school, coming first against the other brilliant kids and how now, you are a chip off the old block.

4. When You Go To Watch TV At Your Neighbour’s: Oh no! Why did you do that? You just struck the trigger. Instead of you to stay inside and read your books, you won’t. When we were growing, did we have TV, ehn? We are always reading and blah, blah, blah… We go back the 1900s.

5. When You Fail to Get Your Chores Done Before They Return Home: This is one very irritable habit any Nigerian child can portray before their parents. Doing this is calling the heavens to rapture you way before your time.

6. When Watching TV late into the Night: Nigerian parents are natural light-sleepers at night. No matter how low the volume of the TV gets, they just know you are there and boom… they go on and on.

7. When you Speak Bad/Incorrect English Grammar: Speaking bad grammar before an educated Nigerian parent is starting a third world war in that house. They begin giving details of the money they spend on your education and how they were never privileged but got the best grades.

8. When Dancing Latest Dance-Step: Knowing the latest in the world of entertainment and flaunting it before your Nigerian parents is looking trouble for you. And your parents go like… That’s why you never pass in school. Look at the way you are dancing like your life depends on it. Children of nowadays, back in our days…. and action!! we go again!

Best bet for you is hide your Michael Jackson skills

9. When You Don’t Know How To Cook: Nigerian aunts and moms get to do this especially when they are good cooks and you, on the other end, not so good. they begin with the preaching again and then, you are like; how does knowing book in school get to do with anything? Biko nwu

10. Waking Up Late: All you know how to do best is sleep but book you don’t know. even on holidays, you are expected to still remain studious. That will show that you were also reading while in school.

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