The subject of this content is a 35 years old Nigerian woman who has been married for 10 years with three kids. She talks about how her marriage ruined her ambition to become a Chartered Accountant.
What She Said
I met my husband when I was in 100 level while he was a final year student. He was one of those active student leaders that are quick to help new students settle properly to their faculties. It was nice having someone check up on my progress. Therefore, we bonded and became friends.
After graduating, he went for his NYSC and we kept talking. At first, he didn’t mention anything about relationships but we were quite close. We could talk for hours non-stop. The connection was great.
In my heart, I wished he could be my boyfriend and when he later asked me out, I didn’t even hesitate to say yes because I secretly had a crush on him. The five years age difference between us didn’t really matter because we bonded very well.
So, we started dating when I was about entering 400 level while he had started working after NYSC. He would visit my family and even eat. My parents liked him too. I didn’t even have to introduce him as my boyfriend because everyone already knew him. My siblings were fond of him because he would always buy things for them when visiting us.
It was just natural to accept his marriage proposal after my NYSC. I had known him all through my university days, so there was no need to be scared of anything.
But I was ignorant. I thought marriage would settle everything. I thought everything would just be perfect and we would live happily forever. But I was wrong. I was naïve. I didn’t know anything about marriage. Nobody told me it would cost me my ambitions.
After our marriage, I became pregnant in the second month. My first pregnancy was quite easy but the burden of taking care of the home became too much for me.
I was unable to get a job after NYSC. So I thought one would come after marriage and I would also sit for a professional examination – ICAN because I studied Accounting. My husband said he would sponsor the professional course and I stupidly believed him.
As days rolled into months and months into years, I started becoming restless. I gave birth to my third child in the sixth year of the marriage.
Whenever I raised the issue of not working and getting my professional certificate, my husband would just dismiss me and ask if I am hungry. We started clashing often and our families intervened.
I didn’t go to school to become a full time housewife. My husband would go out everyday, meet people, feel fulfilled while I was dying at home raising three kids. My daily routine was just to cook, bathe the children, take them to school, come back home, do some laundry, clean the house, sleep and wake up to pick my children in the afternoon, help them with their assignments, cook before my husband comes back and repeat.
This was not the life I signed up for. I didn’t even have many friends, Yes, my husband provided for us. But I wasn’t fulfilled. I had my own dreams too.
My original plan was to get my professional certificate, become a chartered accountant and get a great job that would allow me travel, meet new and valuable people. But my dreams were washed away in the ocean of marriage and raising kids.
As time went on, my husband that promised to pay for my professional course didn’t do anything about it and I had no money of my own because I was dependent on him.
The last straw that broke camels’ back was when I discovered that he was cheating on me. I confronted him and he apologized. But I was furious. I couldn’t take it anymore. I dedicated 10 solid years of my life raising our kids while he focused on his own career and mine died.
I knew I had to leave. I had to live a fulfilled life. Our parents tried to settle it but I knew I was done with him.
It’s been a year since we separated. He comes to see the children often and I would be sitting for my professional exam in a few weeks. I feel so mad at myself because I just started living the life I should have lived as a 25 years old young lady.