Cheating, as a phenomenon, especially in romantic relationships, has earned its position as one of the most talked-about issues in human existence. It is one thing that is currently as strong as it was centuries ago. Cheating never gets out of trend and sadly, will never end its sway on human existence.
So, while falling in love is an easy thing to do as a human being, staying in love, ironically the focus, is a dream many may never experience in their lifetime because of cheating.
It is safe to say that eight in every 10 relationships in the world have, at one time or the other, suffered as a result of this phenomenon. In fact, research shows that almost one-fourth (that’s upward 40%) of all marriages experience infidelity at some point.
However, as much as this topic may seem widely talked about, not so many have come to the acceptance that regardless of what they do, a big chunk of us will at some point either be a victim or the perpetrator or as some may say, the accused (they just never admit to this misbehaviour).
The word itself “cheating” is ambiguous and as such, people see it from different lenses and perspectives. For some, cheating is the breach of having sexual intercourse with someone other than their spouse. Whereas for some others, it goes as minute as keeping intimate conversations with the opposite sex other than their spouse.
Whichever way it happens, when it does happen, it breeds confusion, destruction, and de-integration to all those affected by it and some never come out of it. In that confused state, many wonder, why at all does this even have to happen?’ Of course, there are many reasons why people; married, courting, dating, cheat.
Although cheating or infidelity as the case may be, is not uncommon in both men and women, the male population has been said to be of a higher percentage caught in this act. This gender not only considers it their right to indulge in it, they see it as a taboo not to, all thanks to patriarchy, which is a talk for another day.
There’s no gainsaying that, at this point, men will always cheat even in marriage.
In short, married men are more into this business. So, the earlier we understood this, the better we get started to finding our way around it, and who knows, just maybe, women could finally get their peace.
So, this body of work looks to answer that ultimate question, which is “Why Do Married Men Cheat?”
Reasons Why Men Cheat
There are several reasons why Men cheat in Marriages or relationships, and below are some of the reasons why.
Men generally have a high libido. More interestingly, some men have an even higher libido, which sometimes, comes as a disadvantage to their women because of their urge to have sex more often the usual.
Now, let’s picture a scenario of a man in this situation but does not get as much sex as his body system requires.
Factually speaking, this man is likely going to step out of his way just to get what he wants, which means cheating in other words. Do not get this wrong, this is not to make a valid case for men who cheat, nor is it to fault women for failing to perform their wifey duties.
It is only centred on the undermined fact that men who have an excessive sexual drive, tend to use cheating as an excuse.
There comes a time in the life of a woman when her menstrual cycle comes to a halt and this is called “Menopause”. Unfortunately, menopause comes with a decline in her reproductive hormones, which in turn means that she does not have as much sex drive as she used to in her youthful days.
The time of menopause differs from woman to woman, but it usually occurs between the ages of 40 and 50. For a man who is married to a woman approaching or experiencing menopause, it is quite difficult to understand and come to terms with the fact that his once energetic woman, who used to be able to satisfy him with rounds and rounds of sex may no longer live up to his expectation within the bedroom walls.
Yes, his loyalty is in check, but unfortunately, not all men can keep their pants zipped up when reality comes knocking.
Alcoholism occurs when you drink so much that the human body eventually becomes dependent on or addicted to alcohol. Apart from the underlying health risks that come with alcoholism, it does more harm to one’s relationship with people around them, especially their family.
Excessive intake of alcohol, simply means that you are not in the right frame of mind most times, and will most likely act according to the influence of the alcohol that has been consumed. Men who fall in this category commit all sorts of atrocities and cheating is one of them. The man will not only cheat but will most likely rape and assault any woman he tries to have his way with. Women who are married to this type of man suffer a great deal and have to live with the fact that their husbands will always be serial cheats.
There was a time the story of a woman who was once married to a serial cheat trended on social media and when asked why she refused to leave, she said that the fact that he came back home every single time, after sleeping around gave her hope that their marriage could still work out. However, as absurd as this sounds, most women do not leave but make excuses for their partners instead.
Reduced attraction/Postpartum body
You married your wife in her early 20s with a size 8 slender figure. But after giving birth, she gained some weight and became a size 14 woman with belly fat, lots of stretch marks, and saggy breasts. If you’re very familiar with Instagram, you must have seen female celebrities bounce back with banging bodies after giving birth. Then you begin to wonder why your wife can’t go back to size 8 after giving birth to two children.
That’s where the problem starts from, as other Men start comparing their wives, who have gone through lots of pain and trauma during pregnancy and delivery with other women. They forget that women’s bodies are not the same. What works for a particular woman may not work for the other one.
As a result, married men begin to lose interest in their wives. Some will even go as far as abandoning their wives. Women are emotional beings who want attention, physical touch, and lots of love. But when they lose their size 8 body, they begin to lose their self-esteem and get depressed because their husband, who’s meant to be supportive and help them outgrow that stage, is even on the run.
Loss of interest then graduates to subtle temptation and finally ends under the sheet with another woman. To this category of men, they get satisfaction from the physical appearance of their wives.
Some married men are purely greedy. Coupled with the patriarchal system in Nigeria that validates a man’s right to cheat without being questioned, they indulge themselves excessively. If men don’t understand the concept of being content with their wives or have the discipline to resist temptations, then they shouldn’t get married.
Most times, married men who cheat, have beautiful and lovely wives, then you begin to wonder why they cheat. The answer is just pure greed, a weakness they failed to deal with before marriage. Most times, when men cheat, it didn’t just start in a day.
There must have been a series of events, meetings, and preconceived thoughts that must have led to the main day. But most married men wouldn’t want to be vulnerable by explaining their daily struggles with temptations to their wives. But since sin thrives in secrecy, they keep shut till they drown in the ocean of adultery.
A popular Yoruba proverb says a sheep that associates with dogs will definitely eat faeces. That means if a married man associates with other men that cheat, he’ll one day conform to their patterns by also cheating on his wife. The friends would also encourage him to validate his masculinity.
Regardless, peer pressure is absolutely the worst reason for a married man to cheat on his wife. It’s a lame excuse but married men still say their friends influenced them to cheat. Then you begin to wonder what happened to their power of choice and discipline. What happens to change your circle if they influence you negatively?
What happens to deliberately disappear when you know your friends would hang out in a tempting place? Or is it the fear of missing out that prompts you to join them in the shameful act?
If tables were turned, 90 per cent of cheating married men would become furious if they know that their wives cheated on them.
There’s a reason why our elders say; “Children are the fruits of marriage”. For sustained peace and rest of mind for a couple, they must be able to procreate, if not it’ll drive them apart from one way or the other; and in some cases, it takes the grace of God to get them back on the right path.
While this isn’t very fair on the womenfolk, considering that it’s only God who knows how to create children, a sizeable proportion of married men are driven to cheating on their partner in a bid to prove their manhood to the rest of the world despite that there’s always an equal chance that they may be the problem just as much as their partner.
Usually, in these situations, the first course of action is to go outside and look for the next available vessel they can offload their seeds into for experimentation purposes, and for those who are adept gamblers, it may work but on the other hand, it mostly doesn’t work out that way and they would have ended up incurring extra expenses simply because they refused to underestimated their wives ability to give birth or simply overestimated theirs.
One of the most commonly abused phrases in the history of mankind is “Age is just a number”, and yes you guessed right. I’m equally about to deliver a dose of molestation that a sizable population of the earth is already used to. Age is just a number in this case simply because if it weren’t, then we wouldn’t have a hoard of emotionally unintelligent men walking the earth and mindlessly populating the world by jumping from one woman’s arms to the other.
Picture this, a young boy who was born in a polygamous home and watched his dad batter his mum till he was old enough to drop a stern warning that it should stop. He grows up promising himself that he’d never touch his wife when he gets married.
All of these without fully understanding the complexities of marriage and learning absolutely nothing about communication between couples aside from blurry glimpses of his father “punishing” his mum for one offence or another. It doesn’t really matter whether he beats his wife eventually or not, the young man has grown up with so much conviction that he’ll definitely not know how to deal with the situation if he gets married to someone who throws a tantrum at every little opportunity.
Someone like this will definitely have a deficit when it comes to emotional intelligence and grows up to have serious mommy issues. They eventually end up in the arms of another woman in a bid to let go of all their bottled-up issues.
Saying that our societal structure is rigged against the womenfolk would be an understatement. Whatever way you choose to look at it, right from birth young men are born into a culture that makes them feel superior and gives them the idea that women are born to end up leaving their parents to come to serve them.
This kind of society probably doesn’t spell it out that it’s okay to cheat, and even may have laws against it but when you critically look at the cross-section of male and female interaction, you’ll find that men are given the upper hand and it is certainly an enabler.
Undoubtedly, this gets into the head of many men and they take pleasure in “acquiring” women just like they purchase cars and other luxury products.
This simply means to hurt another person by retaliating in kind or degree, revenge is one of several factors why most married men cheat. Most married men sometimes cheat to retaliate, it is often done out of anger, for instance, if their partner cheats on them, they feel the best way is to also do the same thing, to be even.
These Men just want their partner to go through the same ordeal, to know how painful it is and how much it hurts so badly. The thought of: “They hurt me, so now I’ll hurt them” is often the driving thought behind retaliatory infidelity.
Stress causes us to feel threatened and even if the “threat” is something as small as a test, our minds shift into self-preservation mode, which may cause us to make immoral decisions. Stress is another big factor that can lead to the reason why married men cheat. It is said that stress has a way of disrupting their hormones, for instance, a man goes home to his stressed wife and trying to have an intimate time with her and when she refuses on so many occasion this can lead to rejection and at the long run, the man will be forced to go outside and get what he wants.
Not to justify this point, but this act is already classified as cheating, and it is obviously not going to stop at the first attempt. This can serve as an excuse for these set of men when they are questioned and they might end up rubbing it on their partner’s face in the long run when they get caught.
This is mostly when you have sex with someone in exchange for something or position, as long as there is something you are getting in return. This is an important factor why most married men cheat. For instance, a man has been after a position at work, and the only way to get it is by sleeping with his boss who is a female, or even his coworker.
This can also happen when there is an opportunity with a workmate, a classmate, someone in their social circle, or at the gym, deep down they tell themselves that it is just for the opportunity, and once they get what they want they are off but this is a common lie they all tell themselves, and it ends up being a continuous act.
After highlighting all of these reasons Why Married Men Cheat, It is also safe to conclude that no amount of reason is valid enough for cheating in a marriage or relationship, as it brings about disrespect and disregard for the partner in question.
While many would always have a thing or two to say concerning cheating in marriages/relationships, there are also possible ways of coping with a cheating partner.
Sometimes, people have a suspicion that their partner is cheating but don’t have any solid evidence. Oftentimes, the best approach in marriage is to be direct, you may wonder if it will cause more damage to ask directly. And, of course, the answer your spouse gives could either be the truth or a lie.
The best approach will vary for different couples, but if you’re concerned, it may be a good idea to look for some of the signs.
Some people see Cheating as a Cry for help or an Exit Strategy, this means that they see it as a way to force the couple to finally face the problems that both parties are aware of but aren’t addressing. In this case, the partner often actually tries to get caught as a way of bringing the issue to the limelight.
Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy, a way to end an unhappy marriage. But regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the reason for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with.
While some other people see cheating as a comeback when they’ve been wronged, meaning, they want to explore how the dynamics between themselves and their partners led them to this point. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues, and can lead a couple to fix the underlying problems in their relationship and grow closer.
As much as there are many potential reasons for cheating in both relationships and marriages, it can be really complicated sometimes. But speaking directly, expressing your needs, practising forgiveness, and making a commitment to work on your marriage daily, are the best insurance plans to protect your relationship and marriage. This body of work has therefore shown a few reasons Why Married Men Cheat In Marriages/Relationships and also how to cope with a cheating partner.