Generically speaking, men enjoy sex more than women, men crave sex more than women, men are more vocal about their sexual desires and exploits more than women… the list is non-exhaustive.
We are made to believe that women are a weaker vessel, who should not be anything but timid, modest in all ways, and very polite even in the face of harassment, excitement, anger, justice, or provocation.
A woman’s pride has never had anything to do with how she feels but rather how others feel about her; bringing her to subject her desires to what fits into society. And society as we know it has done a number of damages.
However, over the years, civilization and the feminist movement have pushed the female gender especially those in the Western world to take on a more expressive approach about their sexual life. After all, a woman is only as much as a man.
But sadly, Africa is yet to feel this wave of change particularly in the areas of women’s sexuality, sex escapades, and prowess. Whether biologically or spiritually, the urge for sexual desires and satisfaction was built for both gender to enjoy. Never has it been said otherwise in any connotation that a female is to feel subdued to want sex to the point of orgasm.
An orgasm often considered the climax of sexual activity, can be a subjective experience, although there are physical responses associated with the moment.
Orgasms can be characterized by intense sensation and pleasure, a discharge of erotic tension at sexual climax, and a temporarily altered state of consciousness, as well as psychophysiological responses like genital activity, involuntary pelvic musculature contractions, and changes in heart rate, a study confirmed.
This is a feeling everybody is meant to experience from all great sex exploits but unfortunately, women barely do. As it turns out, for every 1 lucky lady that climaxes, three blokes enjoy an orgasm, experts have revealed.
This isn’t some wishing saying or assumptions even though I wish they were.
An earth-shattering orgasm is said to be one of a kind. It also differs from women to women.
It’s is a phenomenal sensation, and there are quite a few things in life that can compete with the feeling of orgasm, whether it is through penetrative sexual intercourse or not.
Statistically, Nigerian men are some of the most sexually active in the world, and apparently best-in-class when it comes to lasting longer in bed.
Why then does this not correlate with the number of Nigerian women who are enjoying mind-blowing orgasm?
According to BBC, it was a cultural taboo for women to request sexual gratification before now.
“Part of the problem we face in Nigeria and Africa generally, is that women are shy about negotiating their sexual pleasure,” she says.
“What we are told is you have to save yourself for your marriage and be a virgin. When you marry, you are there to satisfy your husband.”
“You are not really told that you are there for any pleasurable fulfillment. You’re told that you have sex for procreation.”
It’s an eyesore that despite that many Nigerian men are blessed with huge penises and the energy to last longer than other nationalities in bed, very few of them understand how to reconcile this with helping a woman achieve sexual satisfaction.
In many cases, many Nigerian women have resorted to finding alternative means to satisfy themselves such as sex toys. Which are, by the way, beautiful inventions.
The female orgasm is the climax of sexual intercourse, both in males and females. It’s a psychological thing, every man gets their greatest orgasmic pleasure from watching their woman squirt.
A relationship or marriage without the female experiencing orgasm is definitely incomplete, and a disaster waiting to happen. It’s been statistically and medically proven that orgasm makes women glow more radiantly, and helps them to be more focused and productive.
According to findings by Chioma Ogwuegbu, a hardcore erotic fiction writer, most Nigerian women do not become sexually mature until their early thirties.
She says her fictional stories reflect fantasies that many Nigerian women can only imagine.
She says it is content that mainly appeals to women who are in their 30s and older, who are more sexually mature.
“As I became more sexually aware, I actually became more comfortable in my decisions about sex and sexuality, being able to own them and say: ‘Fine I have sex, it’s OK, it’s not a crime to have sexual desires, sexual pleasure.”
The problem isn’t that Nigerian women are generally not able to achieve orgasm, it is the idea that for them sex is an act of responsibility and a means of procreation. When in fact, it is much more than just that.
A huge proportion of Nigerian women who have to deal with this do not only have to deal with not achieving orgasm alone, in many cases they also have to deal with rigid and conservative men who are too proud to try and find out where their woman’s G-spot is or too egotistical to ask for help when they can’t.
Reasons For The Lack Of Female Orgasm
For many individuals, climaxing is anything but easy. And while these issues face people of all genders, only 10 percent of women can easily achieve orgasm.
The other 90 percent have to deal with a lot of outside factors that can reduce their ability to climax, and that includes what sex position they’re into what they face when they’re at work.
If you’re struggling to climax, there are some surprising reasons why you’re not reaching orgasm yet, and by addressing these issues, you may just help yourself achieve and also enjoy more satisfying sex life. Some reasons are:
Anxiety can cause intrusive thoughts that may make it very difficult to orgasm. In fact, more than half of the women surveyed at a 2018 survey from Valparaiso University in Indiana, cited anxiety as a reason for why they struggled to achieve orgasm.
“Often people find themselves ‘getting in their head’ during sex or masturbation,” Danica Mitchell, a sex therapist, and social worker tell Women that there are a lot of societal narratives that get in the way of enjoying sex and masturbation, and guilt and shame are common mental barriers as well.
Therefore, confronting those narratives that induce shame and guilt may help in feeling less anxious and more connected to your body during pleasure. Seeing couples or sex therapists can help in addressing any of this too.
Oftentimes, Communication is seen as a reason why so many things do go wrong, especially in a relationship with someone, even worse, when it involves sex. As people turn out to be very different from each other, so do our sexual structures.
So when a lady isn’t getting the exact sexual satisfaction that she needs to orgasm, it could be because she hasn’t exactly communicated how she likes to be touched and also somehow guiding her partner in other for both parties to enjoy sex better.
A close mouth during sex will obviously not produce a good sexual experience. You’re not a mind reader, and neither is your partner(s). So staying silent about what really turns you on isn’t going to help you climax.
3. Closed Mindedness
In this case, being closed-minded can be about not exploring your sexual fantasies enough, or not letting yourself enjoy the sex with your partner, but either overthinking or thinking of the looks of your body.
Too much emphasis on achieving orgasm can make sex feel like a goal-oriented task, turning intimacy into more work than pleasure.
As when we try too hard to orgasm or we focus too much on the outcome, not only orgasm but pleasure, arousal, sensuality, and connectivity slip away and eludes us.
Also, If you don’t feel good about yourself, chances are that you’re going to have a more difficult time feeling good during sex. One common reason that women may fail to orgasm is that they are overthinking
4. Sex Positions
Most times when it comes to sex position the male gender only tell female the position that they find suitable for themselves and also the ones they enjoy best without considering the female in question. Also, some women find they can orgasm when masturbating because that is how they reach their climax, but not when they are with their partners and this is often caused by some sex position that is not beneficial to both parties.
Some women do not need an orgasm to enjoy sex. However, for other women and their partners, being unable to have an orgasm can be a problem. This seems to be a common problem around women, to the extent that they start to fake orgasm just for the partner’s sexual satisfaction without considering theirs as long as the partner is sexually satisfied.
Most times, women love being in charge of the cowgirl position because they see it as an easy way to have an orgasm, while most guys also prefer the doggy style because it is suitable for them. At the end of the day, only one person gets to be satisfied most times, whereas, it’s a two-way street.
5. Forced marriage
One serious consequence of forced marriage is the increased likelihood of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Most women who find themselves in a forced marriage would not even look forward to the most amazing sex life, talk more of having an orgasm. A lot of women in this situation fake it because of the lack of chemistry, and they do not feel anything for their partner, let alone long for intimacy.
In such a situation, climaxing is difficult.
It is scientifically proven that stress can attack your sex life on many levels. One of the biggest is via hormones.
Your sexuality is not only affected by hormones, but also by social, relational, and psychological factors around. When the stress hormones kick in, it makes closeness replaced by absence.
It is nearly impossible to be present to listen and to be interested in the people around you if you’re feeling stressed out. It’s hard to deal with anyone, but yourself.
Chronic stress can cause one’s body to produce too much of the hormone cortisol, which can lower your libido. Stress is perhaps, the number one culprit of zero orgasms. We are all running around with more things to do than there are hours in the day, leaving ourselves feeling exhausted and often frustrated with this it will be so difficult for a woman to get an orgasm when all she wants to do is to allow her partner have the satisfaction he wants.
Ultimately, from all that has been said, it can be deduced that only a fraction of women enjoys the pleasure of orgasm, while others basically have to go the extra mile just to have a taste of the heavenly feeling.
As much as we blame the female gender for not being vocal enough about their sexual preferences and putting their bodies through so much, to a point where it hinders their excitement within the bedroom walls, we should also attack the male gender for being rather selfish.
Climaxing is not something that should only be enjoyed by Nigerian men. They should, as well, make it a habit to get to know their women beyond the surface, and understand what really gets them excited sexually. It is not enough that you avail her of the pleasure that comes with penetration, which is just one out of the many ways a woman can attain orgasm.
Inculcate the habit of communicating effectively about your sexual fantasies with your partner. This way, you learn more about her, and what may possibly help you attain that age-long orgasm you have always wished for. It is important that your partner consents to certain moves that you make on her. She is your ultimate guide to helping her journey to the peak, rather than depending on your ego for directions.
Experimentation would help a great deal as well. Sometimes, stepping out of your comfort zone is not such a bad idea. Your regular sex routine may be lacking in something your next try may have in abundance. This includes touching new areas, at different times, with different body parts. You never know, this may just be your last bus stop in your journey to solving the orgasmic mystery.